It’s hard to know what to say when someone dies. When it’s by suicide, it can be even harder to know what to say. Even if you are feeling unsure, it is better to speak to someone than avoid them.

What to say

• How are you feeling today?

• I don’t know what to say…

• This must be so hard for you…

• I can’t imagine what you are going through, but I wanted to let you know that I’m here if you’d like to talk. I’m not sure what to say, but I’m here to listen

• Recall a positive memory about the person who died

• Is there anything I can do to help you?

• I miss (name of the person who died)… how are you?

• Can I take you anywhere that would help? (doctors, shopping, appointments etc)

• Would you like to go for a walk together?

What not to say

• Avoid using clichés such as “They are in a better place” “Time heals everything” “they are at peace now”

• Avoid using phrases such as “It was God’s will” “Life goes on”

• I know how you feel…

• Avoid talking a lot about your own experiences, especially if they are not suicide bereavement

• Avoid asking for details about the death itself, such as how the person died

• Phrases that could be seen as judgmental, such as “they were selfish to do that” “they took an easy way out.”

Supportaftersuicide.org.uk